ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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