I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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