So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
