i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You're like the curious george of whores
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
