So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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