That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
