Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
