Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
