i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
