Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
4 words: hood of his car
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
