I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i've created a new STD.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
