the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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