By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
