Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
