She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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