And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
