U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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