Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
