Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cockslap morals
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
