You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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