Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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