i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
