dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
