I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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