I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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