Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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