I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
