Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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