Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
