i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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