Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
