Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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