gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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