Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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