I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
