I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
