He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
