Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
