Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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