My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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