I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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