Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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