Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
