apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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