people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
