but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
