I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
