erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pants are for mortals
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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