People with herpes should wear stickers.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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