Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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