just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
