i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
