is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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