i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
