Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
